Company finds out there’s a woman with 2 cats living in their parking lot – put her cats in new home. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? Please check link and try again. Probably, we need to inaugurate this laways about the secrets of life... LAWYER: What happened then?WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app! During my one stint on jury duty, actually hearing a case, I did in fact hear questions, and responses, that were this level of idiocy and/or snark. Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book of court records called Disorder in the Court.. From witnesses taking questions literally, to … Despite the seriousness, courtroom drama and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything? Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? You can change your preferences. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me? If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. Giedrė is an avid fan of cats, photography, and mysteries, and a keen observer of the Internet culture which is what she is most excited to write about. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite entries! LAWYER: Can you tell us what was stolen from your house? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? We respect your privacy. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? He was wearing a mask.LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask?WITNESS: Er...his face. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?WITNESS: Yes.LAWYER: And these stairs, did they go up also? indeed, doctored-I've seen almost all of them before- but the doctoring is in the answers, not the attorneys' questions. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 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